I found The Host by Stephanie Meyer truly inspiring. Most “feel good” movies, I do. But it just made me truly think about my life. I am no hippie, but its very similar to this ‘coexist’ theory. I find so many little things irritating, frustrating, unbearable. For example, just tonight, I got truly angry at Brian for breaking a small promise to me about a back massage.
Truly? Did I seriously get angry about not getting a back rub? I did. And, I admit, I do this often! I get upset about small things ALL THE TIME. And why? What does the moments, minutes, hours, days, months, years, lifetimes of anger do for you? Does it make you feel better? Does it truly do ANYTHING for YOU? No. In my case, it just makes me more upset.
I had a friend. We were very close. 4 years of friendship. We had normal ups and downs. We also had more dramatic ups and downs. She eventually stops talking to me about a year ago. It truly upset me. I’m a very spiritual person. So I prayed for relief. Relief on my emotions, mind, soul, person as a whole. It worked… Until I saw something that reminded me of a very fond memory I had of her and I. So, I messaged her, which I had been doing for a years time. Not every day, but every couple months tried to contact her, apologize, reason, anything I could to try to get her back. Well, shockingly, this time was different. She messaged me back, she was nice, polite. I tried to play it slow. I’d been working at this for a long time. I missed her. Eventually, she asked me to go out with her. My phone had died that night, and I was at my fiance’s parents house for the weekend which was an hour away from the bar she wanted to go out at. So, the next morning, I look at my phone, see the message, reply, tell her what was going on, and asked her to text me. She never read the message. She blocked me.
I understand her to a point. But this one… I just can’t wrap my mind around the anger, the grudge, the apparent disregard for emotions. After seeing this movie, its just even harder. My best friend, Sam, moved to Texas. So, we don’t get to hang out, we call each other every day, text every day we can’t make a call, talk as much as we can. All I wanted was a friend. A friend to go out with. A friend to have come over, and just sit and watch TV with Brian and I. Or to dinner. Or to a movie that Brian doesn’t want to see.
I guess it still gets to me. I’m obviously not a huge fan of being disliked. At least by someone I care about. No, I will be honest. I don’t like being disliked at all. I don’t think anyone does.
I just miss the small things. Like having a friend nearby. I know Sam is where she wants to be. And needs to be. I just wish she were here. I’ve kind of forgotten what its like to have her around. She’s only 3 hours away. But with no job, no money, and a fiance that works 60 hours a week, every week, its nearly impossible for me to get down there. And she works so much, and as a waitress, so she never has a lot of money to come up here. Every day she doesn’t go to work, is a day she is missing out on money. So its not easy for her to get up here.